Overcoming Constant Fighting requires both of you to change significantly… Debunking the Myth

So, you fight a lot, huh?! 

That sucks. Nobody likes fighting so much. But for thousands of years couples had communication hurdles and many found ways to overcome them without taking a loan from the bank or changing in a huge way. That doesn’t mean its easy though.


Fighting a lot probably means your Emotional Bank Account is in the red and you should deposit funds in it. The funds are of course – connection. Every time you answer each other’s bids for connection you deposit money in the bank. Some big deposits are expressing gratitude, or apologizing. But also smaller gestures of generosity are great.


We discuss all of that in Episode 9. Check it out, and download the bonus to play a fun game that can inspire more generosity between you two.

To download the game bonus from episode 9 click the button below:

Some couples fight a lot because they have a hard time buffering outside stress

Having to handle too many stressors, and not taking enough time for self-care and relationship-care can cause distress to the connection. In Episode 12 we talk about protecting your relationship from stress spillover, and we offer as a bonus the Venting Conversation, which is an effective tool to help you buffer your relationship from outside stress. Check it out.


Also, if you fight too much, you probably need to learn to communicate more effectively. In Episode 5 we discuss how to handle hard moments, and give you practical tools for effective communication.


In case you want to dig deeper into your fighting, understand where they come from, and what’s underneath all these annoying conflicts, check out Episode 8. Couples fall into a negative loop of hostility where one partner’s main defense strategy is pushing on the other partner’s sensitivity, which triggers their defense strategy that pokes the first partner’s sensitivity. Pretty quick what’s left are two defense strategies pretending they want to have a conversation, but actually busy in defense, attack or avoidance. This cycle usually ends in a fight, and both of you get hurt, feel misunderstood, helpless and lonely. In Episode 8 we discuss this annoying cycle and how to turn it into a positive cycle of generosity, care and support instead. Check out the bonus there which will help you with this transformation.

To download the worksheet click the button below:

Can you dare to add vulnerability to the mix of tools that will transform your partnership to a more Generous one? 

Another great tool, perhaps THE tool, to transform your relationship to a generous one is practicing vulnerability. We discuss that in Episode 7, check it out. It’s not an easy thing to implement, but when you do, you fall in love with each other again… totally worth the risk…


While all of the above is true and important, another important thing to know is that fighting in a marriage is not a problem, as long as you know how to repair. The art of repairing is super important. Check out Episode 3 to learn how to do that. We prepared a guide for you, with tips on how to fight, how to stop a fight, and how to reconnect after a fight, so be sure to download the bonus there.


After you did all the above, learned how to fight, how to repair, how to invest in your emotional bank account and transformed your relationship to a generous one, check out Episode 4, and learn how to maintain a healthy relationship. Download the bonus to get some more tips on that.

Ready to add Generousity to your marriage?


Weekly episodes with stories, tools and research that will help you make your marriage generous


Shachar Erez, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, 12 years married, father of two

Ziv Raviv, 16 years married, father of three